I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
