Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
