i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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