I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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