sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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