I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
