You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
