I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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