I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
