You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
