I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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