sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
