Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
