I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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