I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
i think im in europe. pls send help
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
