Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
