I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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