Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
