my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
