I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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