i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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