I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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