did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
