thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
