Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
