Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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