when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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