My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
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