its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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