I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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