I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
