i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I just found a bag of teeth...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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