Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
