I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
