You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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