Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
