Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
my liver is dry heaving
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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