Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
