It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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