One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
