1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
handjob tips. give me some.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
