tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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