hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
