I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
