I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
