Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We are all done wearing pants today
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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