i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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