I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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