yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Go christen that room with your naked body.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
