he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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