How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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