Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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