Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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